Managing money can be a significant source of tension in any relationship. But what if, there is one partner who isn’t managing their money well? Or what if your partner constantly questions your financial decisions. These can lead to trust issues in the relationship.
As we continue our Get Naked Series, we will investigate the role of trust in our relationship. In any partnership, trust is the foundation of a healthy and thriving relationship especially in the context of managing finances. Yet, trust can be fragile when it comes to financial matters, often leading to tension, arguments, and even resentment between partners.
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Recognizing the Signs
When trust is lacking, it can erode the foundation of the relationship itself. This can lead to an increase in financial stress and uncertainty. Therefore, it is important we are aware of the signs that our relationship is low on trust when it comes to money. Here are 3 common signs.
Secretive Behavior:
This could stem from various reasons, including shame about financial mistakes, past experiences of financial instability or it could be what they have seen when growing up. These factors can lead individuals to hide information about their income, expenses, investments, or debt from their partner.
Micromanaging Finances:
Constantly checking on each other's spending or questioning financial decisions can indicate a lack of trust. It can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment because we all like to feel some form of independence when it comes to our money. Typically, the partner who manages the family finance can become guilty of this. Speaking from experience lol.
Avoidance of Conversation about Money
Avoiding discussions about money can signal a breakdown in trust and communication within relationship. This can create a barrier to understand each other’s concerns, priorities and values which is needed to build a strong foundation. Important issues may go unaddressed or unresolved which will increase anxiety in the relationship.
How Can we Build Trust?
Now that we have looked at some of the common signs, let’s look at ways we can explore to fix this issue. I can’t stress enough that this process will take time. It requires being consistent, patient and working together. As the saying goes, “One hand caa clap”.
Set Timely Money Meetings
Don’t roll your eyes, believe me it works. Do not set an impromptu meeting unless it’s a matter of emergency. Plan the meeting in advance, set it in the calendar so both of you are reminded. Then sit together and have a discussion. At first, it will be quite awkward but keep having the meetings and watch as it pulls both of you together.
Do your Spending Plan Together
This can be a vulnerable moment. I suggest leaving the egos at the door. Do not be quick to judge each other. I would say do not make any comments outside of putting figures on the sheet. This is not a quick process, so I suggest having food and drinks and make the environment comfortable.
Create Money Rules
In one of your meetings, I suggest you have a discussion on setting money rules. It can provide clarity and build some structure to your financial decisions. The example I like to use is “Never have a discussion around money after 8pm.” Lol, my wife is very serious about this one because I will talk about money anytime which was very annoying for her.
Seek Professional Guidance
If the issue persists or get worse, then it is best to seek help. A professional can provide unbiased guidance and support which can help both of you to find the underlying issues. A financial coach can provide support for this, but if you believe that the issue is more than money, it’s best to discuss with a marriage counsellor.
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Persons fear that it will mean every purchase will have to be shared with your partner. I find that it is the opposite. When there is trust in a relationship your bond gets stronger and your confidence will increase in managing your finance. This will create more freedom in how both of you are able to use money.
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