Get Naked Series: The Best Ways to Discuss Expenses with Your Partner

Welcome back to the Get Naked Series, where we peel back the layers of financial intimacy and explore the ins and outs of managing money as a couple. This time, we tackle a topic that often goes undiscussed but is crucial for financial harmony: splitting expenses with your spouse.

One of the most common problems couples face is how to divide expenses when one partner earns significantly more than the other. Do you  split everything 50/50, or do you adjust based on income difference?  What role does our values or culture play in shaping our perceptions and decisions about splitting expenses?

These are the questions we'll be tackling, uncovering the fears and uncertainties that often accompany discussions about money within relationships. We will navigate the complexities of splitting expenses with your spouse and discover practical strategies for finding common ground and building harmony. It's time to get real, get honest, and get naked about money.

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Before Making the Decision

Let’s look at some factors to discuss before making the decision. We want the distribution to be honest and fair between both individuals. Therefore, let us look at the following factors that we should include for the next money meeting.

Sharing Numbers:

Sharing numbers should be a natural thing in a partnership, however it unfortunately is not common among couples. The lack of sharing in this aspect can leave one or both persons feeling that they are taking on more responsibilities. True story: For years I thought I was handling most of our family’s expenses and it would come out in various arguments. It wasn’t until we sat down and shared our numbers, I realized that we were quite even. Can you imagine the gloating I got after? Get started, if you have individual spending plans, share them with each other. If there is none, then do a spending plan together.

Shared Financial Goals:

Discuss your goals and set priorities for them. Whether it is going on a dream vacation, buying a house, spending on your dream wedding, or building an emergency fund. Understanding your goals can guide your decision on splitting your finances. In our house, we make a presentation at the end of the year for our goals. Then we choose one or two to focus on. This approach ensures that both partners are on the same page.

Cultural and Personal Values

We could say this is the unspoken element in most discussions, but it’s vital to address. Our cultural background and personal values can significantly influence how we view money and financial responsibility. For some, certain cultural expectations may dictate that one partner takes on a more significant share of the expenses. Openly discussing these values helps in understanding each other’s perspectives and reaching a compromise that respects both partners’ beliefs.

Emotional Considerations

Discussing money can be an emotionally charged experience, especially when it involves revealing vulnerabilities or confronting different values. When sharing financial details, it’s important to create a supportive environment where both partners feel safe and respected. Acknowledge to your partner that it’s okay to feel anxious and uncertain. This will not fix everything immediately but being open about money is crucial for building a stronger relationship. Remember, the goal isn’t just to split expenses but to strengthen your partnership by fostering mutual understanding and trust.

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As you consider how to approach splitting expenses with your spouse, reflect on these questions together:

●      Have you ever felt like you were carrying more of the financial burden in your relationship? How did it affect your partnership?

●      How do your current personal beliefs shape your expectations about money management? What is the origin of these beliefs?

Take some time to discuss these questions with your partner and see where the conversation leads. Building a strong financial partnership takes effort, but by getting real and honest, you can lay a solid foundation for your future together